


Damaged People

by masterwords



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s07e01 It takes A Village, M/M, Sad, Sad Aaron Hotchner, Sad Dave Rossi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterwords/pseuds/masterwords
Summary: Inspired by S7e1 "It Takes a Village", but exploring some fun (clearly non-canon) angst like - what if Aaron didn't want to come home from Pakistan when his contract was up?  And what if that broke Dave's heart?  Aaron & Dave have some serious things to work out for their collaborative futures.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wibbly, wobbly, timey wimey stuff here, guys. (Doctor Who anyone?) Taking ALL.THE.THINGS that happened in "It Takes a Village" and rearranging them, stretching out the timey wimey goo a little here to suit my Hotch/Rossi angst needs. I promise it'll all come together.

The kitchen was quiet as Dave padded around the room in his slippers, making some coffee and setting out breakfast for he and Jack. 

In the months that Aaron had been in Pakistan, Dave and Haley's family had enjoyed passing Jack around. The kid was a joy to have and there had been considerable arguments over who got him and when, always with Dave taking precedence when he was home and available, which hadn't been terribly often. When the case with Declan Doyle broke wide open and Aaron had to return temporarily to help the team, they'd asked Jessica to take Jack out of town. Aaron had initially arrived midday on a private bureau jet and gone straight to work, not wanting to interrupt Jack's life until the case and his contract was done. During that time, Dave could tell that Aaron hadn't wanted to return, not yet. He was happier overseas, without the personal attachments and the drama and the bureaucratic nonsense that came with his normal job, and after dropping the bomb that Emily was still alive, it all made sense to Dave why he'd left in the first place. The secrets he'd been keeping had taken their toll. He was standoffish and reserved, he kept intensely to himself and lived out of a packed bag in his office despite invitations from several members of the team for him to come and stay at their homes or get him a hotel room. Dave did his best to give him space, it was like working with the ghost of the person he loved. When the case finished, Aaron got back on a plane to Pakistan to finish his assignment without so much as a second thought. It had been like he hadn't even come home. 

Now that his contract was officially up, Dave asked to keep Jack for the week leading up to Aaron's arrival. They'd baked all of Aaron's favorite goodies (or Jack's, but he claimed they were daddy's favorites), stocked the fridge with everything he'd missed being overseas, and Dave had paid for his maid to come by and do a deep clean before Jessica had dropped Jack off. During the week they'd spent countless nights making welcome home signs and preparing a few nights' dinner in advance – Jack wanted everything to be perfect and Dave just wanted Aaron to have some small comforts. Dave knew Aaron was going to be exhausted from traveling and he was trying to keep Jack's expectations realistic, but the kid missed his dad and could hardly contain himself. Dave couldn't fault him, and neither of them had told the boy how quickly Aaron would have to return to work, or worse. 

When Jack came out and sat at the table for his breakfast with Dave, he had already gotten himself dressed and washed up without even being told. He sat at the table and wrapped his little hands around the mug filled with steaming hot cocoa, Papa Dave's special morning drink for him, and breathed it in like he always saw Papa Dave do. You always had to take a big, big sniff to make sure it was good, Dave would tell him, smell was just as important as taste. He took it to heart and stuck his nose in, getting some of the creamy froth on the tip of his nose. 

“How many time now?” Jack asked, wiping at his cocoa mustache with the back of his hand and grinning. 

“Three hours,” Dave replied, indicating the clock on the wall. He pointed to the time it was now, and the time his dad's plane would be landing. He'd already triple checked that Anderson was going to be waiting to bring Aaron to them, though Aaron had insisted he could drive himself – Dave wouldn't take no for an answer. They had talked almost every day since Aaron had gone back, though most of the time it was short and centered on Jack. Their last conversation had been heavier than the others, and Dave wasn't eager to follow it up in person. Aaron had been presented with an extension of his contract, and he was considering it – he'd actually been happy out there and he wasn't ready to see it come to an end. He missed his son, his team, his family, but for the first time in years he'd felt peaceful and giving it up was proving to be challenging, especially now that the team was reeling from the news about Emily. The idea of Aaron staying out there longer put a pit in Dave's stomach that he just couldn't get rid of, and the closer it came to Aaron's arrival, the larger it seemed to grow. 

“How many now?” Jack asked, slurping up the last drops of his cocoa. Dave chuckled. 

“Two hours and fifty four minutes...”

“Yaaaahhhhhhhh!” Jack squealed, shoving the last bite of his toast into his mouth and running off to make more signs and pictures, to prep the play areas he'd designed and make sure everything was perfect. Dave just leaned back in his chair and smiled wistfully, sipping his cappuccino. 

…..........................

“He's HERE!” Jack screamed, tugging at the curtains in the front window excitedly. Dave peered out and watched the black SUV pull up, the front passenger door open and a moment later, out steps Aaron Hotchner in a pair of khakis, a navy blue polo shirt and a beard. Dave was surprised he hadn't shaved it off before coming home this time, but he couldn't say he minded it. He knew that it was the outward manifestation of the torture they'd all been put through over the last year, it was Aaron's way of showing his humanity and his sadness and dropping the facade. Dave's first thought was that Aaron had simply given up, but he warmed up to it after some time. Jack ran to the door and threw it open, bursting out onto the front steps and down the sidewalk. Aaron saw him coming just in time to drop his bags and hold out his arms, wrapping his son in a hug that would have made anyone melt into a puddle. Aaron buried his face in Jack's neck and breathed in his smell, that little boy smell of sweat and dirt and soap, and he thought he detected a hint of chocolate in there too – Papa Dave was always spoiling him. Aaron turned his eyes up as he hugged Jack and locked on Dave leaning in the doorway with a smile. 

“Daddyyyyyyyy!” Jack kept saying over and over, squeezing Aaron so tight it was making him lightheaded. Aaron lifted him up and grabbed his bags with the other hand, kicking the door shut behind him. Dave watched as the SUV pulled away, leaving the 2 of them alone at the end of the walk, Jack now hurriedly talking in his father's ear about everything he'd done for presumably the last...forever, or maybe the last day, it was hard to tell in his excitement. Dave met them at the bottom of the stairs and took the bags from Aaron, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek as he passed – that beard would take some getting used to in person. 

“Good to see you, Dave,” Aaron muttered with a smile, keeping his voice quiet so he didn't interrupt Jack's lecture on Batman and the Joker and “Goffam City”. Once they were inside, Dave shut and locked the door, careful to latch every single one – he wasn't always so good at it when he was on his own, but he knew it was just one of those nervous ticks Aaron would have forever, counting the clicks from the locks on the door, and he was happy to oblige for the other man's peace of mind. The interior of the house was covered in signs and pictures, a giant banner hanging in plain sight that simply read “WELCOME HOME” in bright, bold letters and too much glitter that Jack had worked on with Penelope one night. Dave had been cleaning glitter up from underneath it (and every corner of the rooms it had entered) since they made it. He took Aaron's bags up the stairs quietly, setting them down at the foot of Aaron's bed and smiling as he listened to the sounds of Jack and his father catching up. After a few minutes, the conversation seemed to lull and Jack came thundering up the stairs like a freight train headed straight for his room, with Aaron's quiet footsteps falling behind. 

“I'll be there in a minute, buddy,” he called after Jack, stopping in the doorway to his bedroom. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Dave called back with a soft, somewhat apprehensive smile. He was elated to see Aaron, couldn't have been happier, but there was a sickening sad feeling that he couldn't shake and he knew Aaron was feeling it too. Things had changed while he was gone – he had changed. Aaron entered the room a little apprehensively, like he was approaching a wild animal, but when Dave approached him and pulled him in for a hug, he reciprocated. The hug was long and solid, and Aaron could feel waves of familiar happiness washing over him, but he could feel the darkness too. He held tight to Dave, breathing in all of him, and his breath caught in his throat, burning in his chest like all the oxygen was gone from the room. Dave sensed the sudden change, the way Aaron's back muscles went tight all at once, and he desperately clung to the last good moment they had in this embrace. 

“We can talk later,” Dave whispered, squeezing with a small finality and then letting the other man free from the hug. “After dinner.”

“Dave, I - “ Aaron began, but Dave shook his head no and smiled. 

“Later. I promise, we'll talk and it'll be good...go to Jack. He's got your entire afternoon planned up until dinner. First you'll play Batman, then build legos, then go play pirates outside...there's an itinerary on the fridge, he wrote it himself. I've got some files to catch up on in the study, I wont get in your way.”

“I'm so tired, Dave,” Aaron pleaded with soft eyes and a smile. Dave nodded, he knew. He could see it, he could feel it. 

“I know. I negotiated an end to today's planned activities at dinner, and tomorrow's don't start until after lunch time. He's tough, it was the best I could manage. That apple didn't fall far from the tree.”

Aaron smiled sweetly and shrugged. “I suppose,” he said softly, resigning himself to an afternoon of playing when all he wanted to do was go to sleep for a week. His schedule abroad had been intense with almost no time for leisure, and travel exhausted him beyond belief. It was one thing to fly around the country on a private jet full of people he trusted, but it was quite another to fly across the globe and be surrounded constantly by strangers, people capable of unspeakable things. He wasn't someone who could sleep on commercial flights or in airports, so he'd been pumping himself full of caffeine and not much else – he was about ready to crash, and he still had so many things he needed to talk to his partner about, things that he'd need to be alert for. 

“We're having an early dinner, if it's any consolation...” 

“Thanks, Dave. For everything.” Aaron wrapped his arms around Dave's shoulders quickly, patting him on the back, and Dave reached around, rubbing Aaron's lower back softly and nodding. Dave had been hoping for joy and intimacy when Aaron had returned, those hugs that made the world melt away, he'd missed him so much, but that last phone call they'd had...it was slowly eating away at him, and he hadn't realized just how much until he laid eyes on his partner and felt sad instead of thrilled. 

“See you at dinner.”


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron hadn't made it to dinner, but he'd tried. Jack was surprisingly alright with his father falling asleep on his bedroom floor in the middle of playing legos and had ripped his bed apart just to put a blanket over him and some stuffed animals around him to keep him safe. Dave looked down at Aaron there on the floor and smiled softly, lifting Jack up into his arms. He considered waking Aaron, moving him to the bed, but he decided it would just be better to leave him undisturbed for the time being. 

“How about you assist me with dinner?” Dave asked Jack, walking now with him down the stairs and toward the kitchen. When Jack had told him his daddy was asleep, he decided to push dinner back by a few hours. “You can wake him up when the food is on the table. Which meal do we make tonight?” Dave opened the fridge and let Jack poke through all of their bins of prepped vegetables and meat until he'd found what he was looking for – the meatballs. 

“Sketti!” he cried out, lifting the bin of meatballs into his arms and Dave grinned. He couldn't say no to that.

“Yes, chef. Let's go play outside for a bit, get the last bit of sunlight we can, and then we'll get started.” 

….............

It was dark outside when they'd finished cooking and Jack had gone upstairs to rouse his sleeping father. Dave poured two glasses of wine and a glass of sparkling grape juice for Jack and sat down at the table, waiting patiently for his people to come down the stairs. He looked around the table, three settings for the first time in forever, and even through his sadness he felt at ease, his family, the one he'd chosen, was back together.

“Sleeping on the floor was a mistake,” Aaron announced, walking stiffly into the room rubbing his neck. Dave stood up and smiled, gesturing for Aaron to take his seat next to Jack at the table. He was favoring his left leg a little and Dave knew he was stiff from sleeping on that side – if they'd been alone, if they'd been lighter and happier, he might have put a pause on dinner to rub his hip but he just sat down when Aaron sat and they all began eating their pasta and salad instead. Even having taken a nap, Aaron was barely able to keep his eyes open while Jack told him all about what they were going to do tomorrow, but he did his best to be alert. 

Dinner finished quickly, Dave and Jack having done most of the talking, and Dave ushered Jack upstairs for his bath while Aaron curled up on the couch and stared absentmindedly at the wall in a daze. His mind had been going a mile a minute the entire time he'd been traveling, coming up with all the ways to talk to Dave...they had so much to talk about, so much heavy discussion ahead of them, but right then all Aaron wanted was to curl up beside his partner and fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. 

“He's ready for bed,” Dave said softly, approaching the couch. Aaron didn't know how long he'd been lying there, thinking and not thinking. He turned his eyes up to look at his partner whose shirt was wet at the front and the sleeves from playing with his son in the bath and smiled. 

“He got you,” Aaron mumbled, forcing his aching muscles to sit up. Dave laughed. 

“Pirates do that,” was his reply, looking down at his wet front. “Captain Jack took me aboard his ship and made me walk the plank.” 

It took a few minutes before Aaron found the strength to stand up, arching his back like a cat, and shook his head. “Bed time story?”

“Already done, he just needs you to come tuck him in.” 

The two of them walked silently up the stairs, the house dark now though it was still early. Dave didn't anticipate them coming back downstairs so he'd shut it all down. Aaron moved slowly up the stairs, still favoring his left leg a little, and Dave wondered whether he should try to make him feel better or just stay back. He wasn't sure what was going on, where Aaron's head was, and he was just trying to feel his way through this strange darkness that had settled over them. 

“I'll be in bed,” Dave said, stopping at Aaron's bedroom and watching as the other man continued down the hall to Jack's room. “Try not to pass out on him.”

“I'll do my best.”

…..........................

The wait almost killed him, but somehow Dave managed to distract himself by brushing his teeth and doing all of the mundane bedtime rituals. When Aaron entered the room looking like the walking dead, Dave handed him a pile of pajamas and let him get ready. He watched from their bed and tried to keep himself together, he was not generally a high strung person but his heart was breaking in slow motion. Finally, Aaron climbed into the bed beside him and regarded him timidly for a moment before just crashing at his side and resting against him, unable to keep himself upright any longer. 

“I don't have much steam left, Dave, “Aaron mumbled, stifling a jaw cracking yawn. 

“We can talk tomorrow,” was Dave's reply. Always understanding, always patient. Aaron shook his head. 

“No, I need to know...” he began, and Dave slid his arm around his partner and pulled him close, desperate to feel that safety between them. 

“I'm not upset with you for keeping the secret about Emily, if that's what you're concerned about. I like to think I know you pretty well, I figured something was up and I understand why you made that decision. I wouldn't want to be you, Aaron...I don't know how you do it, but I never want to be the one who makes what you do harder.”

All at once, he felt Aaron completely melt into him, like every bit of tension in his body was released all at once and he'd deflated. Dave smiled, and it felt somehow a little easier now than it had earlier. 

“I don't deserve you,” Aaron whispered, and his eyes drifted shut. He tried to force them open again, to say more, but his eyelids felt so heavy and he just couldn't keep up the fight. 

“Don't you forget that,” Dave replied, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of Aaron's head. “We'll talk tomorrow.”

“Thank you...” Aaron muttered almost incoherently as he fell into a deep sleep. Dave nudged him until he was lying down, turned off the lights and curled up around his partner, content to just lie beside him wide awake.


	3. Chapter 3

It was hardly dawn before Dave was up and about, making coffee, reading the news and enjoying the silence of the still Hotchner house. Jack would rise next, he knew, and come barreling down the stairs excited to start the day with a zest for life and adventure that was somehow lost on your way into adulthood. He cherished his mornings with the boy, just the two of them, they were the morning people who chased the sunrise with their coffee and cocoa. Under normal circumstances, Aaron wasn't usually too far behind them, but Dave had no expectations at all so far as his partner was concerned today. He pulled the curtain open in the kitchen and glanced out into the backyard, dawn was breaking over the trees now, casting the whole thing in a milky golden glow.

“Papaaaa!” Jack squealed as he ran up behind Dave and wrapped his legs in a hug. 

“ _Good morning, good morning..._ ” Dave sang wistfully in his best Gene Kelly voice. “ _It's great to stay up late...good morning, good morning to you..._ ” 

“Where's daddy?” Jack asked, peering around the kitchen and Dave scooped him up and plopped him down in his favorite morning spot, right on the counter beside the coffee pot so he could watch everything Dave did to make their morning treats. He was getting a little too big for this now, Dave mused as he watched Jack's legs dangle over the edge of the counter further than he remembered them able, but as long as he could, he'd continue their morning rituals. 

“Sleeping. He'll probably sleep a lot today so let's try to be extra quiet okay?”

“Okay,” Jack replied, the wind having been taken from his sails. Dave patted Jack on the head and smiled, hunkering down a little until he was eye to eye with his buddy. 

“I'll play with you when he can't. Let's have something to eat. We'll make a nice little breakfast and then go outside and play.”

“Will you jump with me?”

Dave pursed his lips in thought, imagining himself on the trampoline and wondering whether his old body could take it. “Am I too old for that?”

“You're not old!” Jack scolded, his face turning a little sour. Dave shrugged, he supposed Jack to be the expert on such things. 

“As long as you go easy on my old bones, I'll jump with you.” 

Jack clapped his hands gleefully and Dave went back to preparing their coffee and breakfast. They ate where they were, at the counter, chatting about their opinions on all sorts of very important topics like which superhero was the best and which dinosaur could eat the most meat. 

By the time Aaron woke up, he found the kitchen deserted except for a pot of drip coffee steaming and a sweet good morning note from Jack. He poured himself a cup of coffee and breathed in the steam, taking it deep into his lungs before sipping at the dark liquid that had all but sustained his life over the last 48 hours. His muscles were stiff and heavy and he could feel the shadow of a headache beginning to creep in. He looked around, wondering at his quiet house before the soft sounds of Jack and Dave's laughter carried into the house from the backyard. He moved to the window to peer outside, unable to believe his eyes – Dave was leaping into the air like a child and Jack was squealing with delight as he was thrown into the air every time Dave landed. Aaron and his coffee shuffled outside and sat in one of the chairs, watching the spectacle – how could he leave this again? 

“DADDY!” Jack called, waving wildly at his father through the trampoline net. Dave plopped onto his behind, bouncing Jack into the air, and then slid out through the opening and down the steps to greet his partner. Aaron thought he looked younger somehow, striding across the yard in his jeans and loafers. 

“Good morning,” Dave called, approaching Aaron with a grin, breathing heavily from his morning gymnastics. Aaron stood and embraced his partner, feeling the other man's heart thundering in his chest and he rested there a minute, letting it beat life into his aching bones. 

“I can't believe what I just saw...” Aaron whispered against Dave's neck, feeling the glistening sweat against his cheek. 

“I'll pay for it later.”

Aaron laughed, knowing it was likely true. Aging was brutal. His hip was still stiff and sore from sleeping on the ground for a couple of hours the day prior, no injury, no anything, just sleeping. Both men watched as Jack continued bouncing like Tigger, higher and higher, turning somersaults and twisting and squealing in his own little world. The two of them sat down in their chairs and watched the boy's joy, each of them now feeling a keen sense of heaviness settling over them. 

“Dave,” Aaron began, breaking the silence first. “We should talk about my contract while Jack is busy.”

Dave nodded in agreement. “Sure.”

“They've asked me to extend for another six months, and with the investigation into our handling of the Doyle case, it might be best if I take the contract. They want me back on a plane as soon as a decision is made in the hearing.”

“Do you want to be away from Jack for another six months?” Dave asked softly, his eyes trained on the boy gleefully playing. Aaron sighed, pressing his fingers against his eyelids, feeling the headache creeping in behind his eyes now. 

“It's not that simple, Dave. You guys might come out of this and still be fine but they're going to chain me to the wall. It was my decision to hide Emily, I gave Morgan the go ahead, I set the ball in motion, and you're my team. Everything you do comes back on me first as your leader, and I accept that. Even if you all get reinstated...I'm not sure I will, and I can't bank on that when I have a son to support.”

Dave regarded Aaron's speech in silence, milling over every detail with care and precision, trying to remove his emotional needs from the picture. 

“Is this what you want?” Dave asked, finally. Aaron could talk protocol and logic all day, but getting him to speak his own truth, what he really wanted, that was nearly impossible, he didn't work like that. 

“I don't,” Aaron began, shifting in his seat uneasily. “I don't want any of this. I didn't want to lie to you all, I didn't want to leave my family, I don't want to have to defend my actions and the actions of my team in a hearing. I didn't want any of this, but this is what I have and...truth be told,” he paused for a moment, leaning forward and cradling his head in his hands, pressing his palms hard against his eyes. This headache was coming on fast now. “When I was away, things were easier. My decisions weren't hurting the people I loved anymore. Tomorrow I have to walk into that building and face people who trusted me, people who have been by my side through my darkest days, and I lied to all of them. They would be better off, you all would be as a team, without me.”

“You did what you had to do to protect someone we love. If the team can't see that...” Dave began, but Aaron looked over at him with a sadness in his eyes that made Dave's heart feel like it was shattering in his chest.

“I stand by my decision, but it doesn't make it any easier to look Morgan in the eye. He held her while she was dying, held her like...he held me after Haley. How does he trust me again?”

“That's up to him, not you,” Dave replied softly, scooting his chair closer to the other man. He circled Aaron's shoulders with his arm and pulled him closer, Aaron's aching head resting now against his chest. “Listen, Aaron, if you want to take the extension then so be it. I can sit here and tell you that I don't want you to leave again, that Jack won't want you to go again, that you're our entire world but you already know those things and you knew them before they offered you the first contract. Here is what I will say – if you want to go, if it's something that you _need_ to do, just know that we will be fine. We'll carry on, and we'll see you in six months. You don't need to worry about Jack being cared for, and I'll be waiting for you always. You and Jack are my family, and that won't change because you want to throw on some dusty khakis and live out of a tent halfway across the world for six more months. But if you're doing it just to run from all of this...you need to realize that it'll all still be here in six months, you won't have gotten away from it, and it's likely you'll have dug your hole deeper. You need to consider your motives, what you hope to gain in the end...and what you're willing to lose.”

Aaron could feel the hot sting of tears burning behind his eyes and his head was full blown thunderstorm now. Dave could be so wise, but sometimes wisdom felt cruel. Dave held him close, as close as he could, a silent assurance that no matter what he chose, he wouldn't lose this. This was sacred and safe. 

“I,” Aaron began, clearing his throat to choke back the sob that was blazing its way from his belly to his chest. It was time to run, to save what little face he could before he crumbled into an exhausted mess. “I need to go lay down, I'm sorry. Talk later?”

Dave nodded solemnly, releasing his grip on Aaron's shoulders and watching as his partner stood, one hand rubbing at his forehead, the other reaching for his empty mug to be dropped off at the sink. Dave sat still, he'd known Aaron long enough not to try and fight him or make him stay when he needed to go – his instinct for self-preservation was deeply seeded, there was no glory in trying to make him stay. It had taken Dave years to understand it, stop fighting the losing battle – the more he fought, the further Aaron retreated into his darkness. 

“Aaron,” Dave called, and Aaron turned around just before walking through the door. “I love you.”

Aaron forced a smile and nodded, walking into the house and shutting the door behind him, leaving Dave alone on the patio in the bright morning sunlight feeling crushed by the weight of his partner's anguish.


	4. Chapter 4

“What time is it?” Aaron groaned from beneath the comforter. He could feel Dave on the bed beside him, but he wasn't ready to poke his head out yet, the dark was all that was helping him feel less miserable. Over the course of the day, his headache had gone full blown migraine and it was all he could do just to lay still in his cocoon and try to sleep it away. He'd remembered a few times of being semi-lucid, but most of the day he was dead to the world. 

“10:32pm,” Dave replied, flipping the page of his book without looking over at the pile of talking blankets beside him. He heard Aaron groan from somewhere deep inside the nest. 

“I still need to shave for tomorrow...” Aaron whined, pushing himself out of the blankets and squinting into the dim light of the bedroom. He peered up at Dave, wincing as the light sliced through his head like a knife, lighting every nerve in his body on fire. Dave reached over and pulled the blankets back up over Aaron's head without even glancing his direction, leaving him only visible in the shadow of the soft down comforter. Aaron didn't know how he was always so intuitive, how he could know things without even looking at him, but Dave was an enigma. 

“In the morning,” Dave mumbled, still engrossed in his book. “You need to sleep.”

“Been sleeping all day apparently...” Aaron muttered, closing his eyes again. “Is Jack mad?”

“I told him you were sick, he helped me make you chicken soup for tomorrow. He's fine.”

“Are you mad?” Aaron asked, peeking one eye open to study his partner cautiously. Dave rested his hand inside of his book and closed it temporarily, pushing his glasses down his nose to look at his partner. 

“No, Aaron, I'm not mad,” he kept his voice soft and steady, low and gentle. “I need you to make a decision, though. I know you don't feel well, I don't mean to pressure you when you need to rest...but I need an answer.”

“I know,” Aaron whispered miserably. “This shouldn't be so hard. I want to stay here, but I don't know if I _can_.”

“Don't be ridiculous. You're making this sound like its up to someone else, like your hand is being forced, but this is your call. They _asked_ you to come back, they didn't tell you. Tomorrow is going to be terrible, but we've been down this road before, not too long ago in fact on your behalf. We can do it again and we can prove that we did the right thing. So, once they all see reason and reinstate us, once we've gone through all of the bureaucratic red tape – will you be with us, or will you fly back to Pakistan?”

“There is no guarantee that they reinstate me, even if they do all of you...”

Dave looked down at Aaron with a frown, shaking his head. He knew that Aaron was spiraling now, he was miserable and in pain and if left to his own devices this conversation could go around and around forever with no conclusion because he simply did not want to make this decision. He'd made so many decisions lately that had hurt people, saved people, run the gamut but he was tapped out. Dave knew it, but this had to end. He hated having to be gruff, especially when he knew Aaron was hurting, but sometimes a situation called for it before it got out of control. His patience was wearing thin, and the last thing either of them needed was for a fight to break out. 

“There is no guarantee that any of us will have a job after tomorrow, Aaron. They might just get rid of all of us trouble makers, this may be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. What's your choice? I know you've had your fair share of making hard decisions lately, I get it, I do...but this choice is yours and yours alone. I can't make it for you. ”

“I want to stay here. Being over there was good for me, and I really wanted to stay...if I'd been able to just continue without flying back, I wouldn't have even considered saying no. But now I'm here with you and Jack and I don't know how I could leave again, even if I did want to.”

“Then stay. Tell them no.”

“And if I don't get reinstated? If I have no job after tomorrow...”

“We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Dave...”

“Enough, Aaron. You're staying, you already made your decision. It isn't as if we're going to starve if you don't have a job after tomorrow, we could live more than comfortably on the residual income from my books alone for the rest of our lives, and I don't intend to be losing my day job tomorrow without a helluva fight.”

Aaron had never heard Dave talk like that before and he found himself a little taken aback. It wasn't as if they were married, or even considering it, and Dave was under no obligation to stick around, he just did. Now he was practically talking about Aaron being his stay at home husband and Aaron didn't know how to make heads or tails of any of it. Dave was clearly done with the round and round of the conversation, Aaron knew that just by his tone, he didn't even have to look at him. He heard the rustle of the pages in Dave's book and knew he'd gone back to reading, so Aaron pulled the comforter tighter around himself, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Try to go back to sleep, Aaron. We'll get up in the morning, have breakfast with Jack, drop him off at Jessica's and greet our day with our heads held high. _Chiodo scaccia chiodo. Buona note_.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, surprisingly this feels like a natural conclusion to this story - I thought I'd drag it out, but I don't think I need to. I have a few fics in the works, probably some one-shot stories for a bit. I hope you enjoyed this one!

“Feel better Daddy?” Jack asked, looking up at Aaron as he entered the kitchen all crisp suit and tie and clean shaven face. _Not at all_ , the thought bitterly, but he smiled and nodded instead. 

“Yeah, buddy, I'm ok.”

Dave eyed Aaron for a moment, gesturing for the other man to have a seat at the table. Once Aaron was seated, Dave approached with a plate of fruit and toast and a big, steaming cup of pure black coffee. The smell turned Aaron's stomach but he smiled again and thanked Dave for his breakfast. This was going to be a very long day. He watched as Jack mowed through his food without a care in the world, a little jealous. He tried to take a bite, plucked a blueberry from his plate and popped it into his mouth and instantly he felt his gag reflex rear up. Jack was watching, Dave was watching, he bit into it and forced it down with everything he had in him, willing it to stay there. One blueberry had almost undone him, but here he was going back for another. And another. He was really pushing it now. His stomach was churning angrily, blueberries duking it out with all the medication he'd forced down to try and get through the hearing. 

When breakfast was over, the two men packed up everything for Jack to spend the day at Jessica's into the car and set out. They were silent, listening to Jack chatter on and on about something that had excited him that morning – Aaron tried to focus, tried to understand, but he was just barely hanging on. Once Jack was safely in the care of his aunt, Aaron felt like his safety net was gone – as long as Jack had been there, this wasn't all happening yet, but he was gone and here they were on their way once again to having to defend their decisions in the line of duty. _His decisions._

“Don't go to that dark place,” Dave scolded, glancing at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. He could see the man setting his face in stone, but the facade was cracking, little by little. “We need you here.”

“I'm here.”

“Are you?”

“My head hurts, Dave. Took enough pills to kill a horse. I'm here.” 

Dave nodded his understanding, dropping the conversation as suddenly as he'd started it. He knew Aaron was trying. He couldn't stop himself from worrying, but he could stop himself from making things worse. The rest of the ride was silent, both men going through their prepared statements in their heads, anticipating the grilling that they and the entire team were about to receive. 

…..............

“Well...you look like hell,” came Emily's voice from behind Aaron. He turned and regarded her with a frown, his features cold and sharp. 

“Its nice to see you too.”

“I liked the beard,” she offered, a little shocked by the contrast between his stoic, stony features and the storm in his eyes. “We all did.”

“How have they been taking things?” Aaron changed the subject, indicating the rest of the team scattered around in the waiting area of the courthouse, all having given their statements and now just waiting on bated breath for the outcome. Emily had been asked to stay in the courtroom longer than everyone else, but she didn't look any worse for the wear, she never did. She was a tough one to rattle. She shrugged and tried to play it off as cool.

“About what you'd expect. Garcia cries every time she sees me, Dave's cool as a cucumber but I guess that has a lot to do with you...Morgan is angry and I can't get Reid to look at me. Guess it might not matter much after today anyway, huh?”

“Suppose not.”

“You made the right decision,” she began, and he nodded abruptly as Dave approached. 

“I know.”

“This isn't your fault, you know. We all did this together and even if they're upset at how it all ended, we know it was the only way.”

Aaron could feel his resolve breaking, his head had begun to thunder mercilessly through the veil created by the massive amounts of pills he'd taken earlier. He pressed his fingertips to his forehead and nodded, trying to listen to her as the world melted into pools of bright light everywhere. He could feel the ground swaying beneath his feet and he knew he had to get out of there fast before he caused a scene. That was the last thing anyone needed today. 

“Excuse me,” he said softly, cutting her off and making a beeline for the nearby restroom. She watched in confusion for a moment before turning to Dave looking for answers. 

“Migraine. Commercial flight from Pakistan, you know how he gets. He's ok. How are you? Are you settling in?” Dave waited a moment before pulling Emily in for a hug, a real hug, a hug he never thought he'd get again. She hugged him back harder than she ever had, grateful that at least one person was glad she was alive. 

“Good, I'm good. Sergio was happy to see me, I think he misses Garcia though. She spoiled him.”

“She's good at that.”

“The best.”

The conversation came to a momentary lull as Aaron approached again, looking like he'd just been to hell and back and he was dragging the four horsemen behind him. Where he'd previously looked destroyed by the storm, now he _was_ the storm. He'd run into Morgan outside of the restroom, and just as he'd predicted, Morgan was mad – mad at Emily, mad at him, mad at the world. They'd started to talk, but Strauss had interrupted them and Aaron felt a fire burn in his belly, dulling the pain in his head. He knew this wasn't her fault, but she'd done this to him enough times that his anger raged at the sight of her. 

“Strauss wants us all to meet her down the hall, they've come to a decision,” he said, brushing past Dave and Emily without making eye contact. The two of them just looked at each other wide eyed and shrugged, following behind him quickly. 

…...............

The room was lighter now, the decision having come back in their favor – suspensions lifted, Emily reinstated, the team was back together. Aaron stood back and watched as his team reacquainted themselves, studying how each of them seemed to approach Emily differently but each of them seemed warmer than they had before, ready to move forward. 

“Couldn't ask for a better ending,” Dave said softly as he came up beside Aaron, their hands brushing against one another briefly but purposefully. Aaron nodded in agreement. 

“Think they'll get past this?”

“Absolutely. There's a lot of hurt in this room, but there's a lot of love too.”

The two men stood silently watching the team warm up, hug, smile. Aaron always hung around the outskirts of these emotion fests, never really feeling like he was part of it, just somehow in charge of protecting it. He preferred that role, BAU Gargoyle. He was comfortable there. 

“Will you?” Dave asked, turning to his partner, taking in how very fragile he looked at that moment. He was tall and strong, a monument under pressure, but Dave could see it in his eyes, that haunted look that would never go away. Aaron just nodded silently, unable to put to words what he really thought – no, he wouldn't get past this, he hadn't gotten past anything ever. He just hid it, bottled it up, locked it tight. Dave knew all of this, of course. 

“You're staying,” Dave mused after a moment, now twisting his fingers between Aaron's, his eyes twinkling. “That's good enough for now.”

“Staying? Where were you going?!” Garcia squealed from beside Dave, turning everyone's eyes to the two men and their private conversation. Dave slowly released his hand from Aaron's, almost imperceptibly, and waved his hands to calm them down. He should have known someone would be listening, but he let his guard down for just a second, spurred on by the contagious joy in the room. 

“Calm down,” Dave was shushing the team as they fired off loud questions directly at Aaron now, and to his credit, he just stood there absorbing it all without so much as flinching. “Hey, hey! People please.”

“What's the deal, man?” Morgan asked, approaching Aaron almost threateningly without actually meaning it that way. Aaron didn't back away, he knew Morgan didn't mean any harm. “What does that mean?”

Aaron waited for the room to go silent before speaking quietly, his voice low and controlled in a sea of chaotic emotions. “I was offered an extension of my contract overseas.”

“And you were going to do it?!” Garcia gasped, interrupting him. Aaron just looked at her, his dark eyes speaking volumes. 

“I was considering it.”

“Sir!” she gasped again. “I saw that come through but I didn't think you'd actually...”

“I'm sure you can all appreciate what he's been through since Emily...died...” Dave began, his voice silky smooth, like he was negotiating a hostage crisis. 

“But you knew she was alive, you never had to mourn her...you helped bury her and you _knew_.” Spencer cut in, his sad eyes searching Aaron now for some answer for his pain. Aaron met them with his own pain. 

“No, Reid, you're right...but he lost things too. We lost Emily, and he lost us.” Dave was looking directly at Spencer now, begging him with his eyes to stop, begging them all to stop, to let it go. The team stood in shocked silence for a moment, the oxygen having been sucked out of the room as they all contemplated what Dave had said. Aaron hated all of this, hated the attention on him, hated them talking about him as if he wasn't there. He felt Dave's hand wrap around his again, grounding him here in the moment, pulling him out of the swirl of darkness. 

“He's not on trial here,” Dave said finally, his voice stern this time. A father scolding his children. “His decision saved her life. We can all stand here pointing fingers now that it's all over, pretending we would have done it better, but none of us _had_ to do it at all. We don't have to make those choices, that falls on his shoulders and never once has he buckled under that pressure. When he considered staying over there, considered extending the reprieve from having that weight crushing him, I struggled with it too...” Dave was laying it all out now to a captive audience, they were hanging on his every word. Aaron was just struggling to stay upright and breathe, holding tight to the other man's hand around his. This was like a waking nightmare. 

“I didn't want him to leave again. Jack and I missed him so much,” Dave continued, spreading the feast for them. He knew that they'd have to offer a big gesture to win the team back, an olive branch of massive proportions. It wasn't often that either of them said a word about their relationship – it wasn't that they hid it, but they kept their lives outside of work private. “But if he's tempted by one break, one little reprieve from the weight of his job in all this time, I think we can all forget ourselves for just a second and honor that.”

“Please don't leave again, sir,” Garcia squeaked this time, a tear rolling down her cheek now. JJ swiped at her eyes quickly, before anyone else saw her crying too. She knew better than anyone what he'd done for Emily, for her, for all of them. She'd felt the weight of it all too, but he absorbed the blow for her, like always. Everyone was looking at Aaron now, expectantly, waiting. 

“I'm not going.”

“For sure?”

“For sure.”

“Oh, sir!” Garcia leapt at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him tight. He felt Dave give his hand a little squeeze and he squeezed back. Standing there in the middle of a firestorm of emotions with a migraine raging unchecked was taking every shred of strength he had in him. His knees felt like they were going to buckle, but between Dave and Garcia, he was still upright. Small mercies. 

“Alright, alright,” Dave mused, peeling Garcia off of Aaron finally. He smiled as she wiped the tears from her face, her genuine emotions just pouring out of her. She was the brilliant, bright breath of fresh air they all needed. 

“I'm sorry, sir,” she muttered, stepping back and looking at him now with shining eyes. “I'm just so happy. Emily's back, you're back, we're all together again!” Aaron nodded and forced a small smile. 

“Well as fun as this has all been...” Dave began, still gripping Aaron's hand tight. He wasn't prepared to let it go just yet. “There is a little boy to pick up who misses his dad very much. Haven't said this in a while but...see you all tomorrow.” 

“Oh!” Garcia cried out again gleefully. “Yes! Yes! See you all tomorrow!”


End file.
